Trying to Fit it All In

Ephesians 1: 6 To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.

I tried to go to see my dad at the skilled nursing facility each day, but it wasn't always easy between taking and picking up grandkids. Sometimes, I could go during the day if they both were in school and sometimes, I went in the evenings.

I think it helped my dad, because he had a person in the next room that would yell out each day for someone to get his tray or that he was dying. Additionally, there was a lady down the hall that would moan throughout the day and evening. I thought she might be in terrible pain, but saw her quite a few times after that and she didn't seem to be in pain. Additionally, someone had taken her under their wing and would dress her up nicely and do her hair for her.

Then, I got sick. I had a virus where I had no energy to get up for days. My husband tried to go visit my dad as much as he could, but I felt badly that I couldn't get in to see him. It wouldn't have been good for him either, because I wouldn't want him to get that terrible virus. After I got over it, I just didn't have the stamina for all the running around that I had earlier, although I continued to do it. It is by the grace of God that I made it through all of that.  Ephesians 1: 6 To the praise of the glory of His grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.


Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.


My Bright Idea that Backfired

Luke 17: 3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. 

My dad had to go to skilled nursing when he left the hospital the second time, because he needed more medical care than I could provide for him. I had this bright idea that I wish I had kept to myself. I scheduled to have my daughter's family join my husband and me in having dinner with my dad at the skilled nursing facility the first full day he was there.

Well, he did fine with the kids and it was great for them to see their great-grandpa, although he wasn't eating much. I had the bright idea of seeing if he wanted a drink of water. With the Parkinsonism, it's sometimes difficult for him to bring a cup to his mouth. It's like his hand stalls out about six inches from his mouth in much the same way that his feet stall out when he's trying to walk.

I put the cup with the straw in it close to his mouth and he took a drink the first time. In a few minutes I asked he he's like another drink of water and he said yes. This time when I put the cup up to his mouth, he became irate for me putting the cup up by his face. I've wondered since if because he has macular degeneration, the straw looked like it was going to poke him or something, although it wouldn't have. Regardless, he was not a happy camper and my feelings were hurt, not to mentioned the startled reactions of my family. I have to remember that my dad's going through a lot of changes and this passage is very important for me to remember. Luke 17: 3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. 4 And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him. 

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.


Oh Boy, A Fever!

John 15:9 As the Father hath loved Me, so have I loved you: continue ye in My love.

After the big rigmarole about my dad returning to my home when he left the hospital after the severe kidney infection, I thought everything would be fine. My dad tried so hard to be supportive as I changed his catheter although he hated it. What he hated even worse was his daughter diapering him. It was a loss of privacy. He didn't mind when the home health aide did it, but he didn't want me involved in cleaning him and changing his disposable under garments. Although I didn't mind, my dad did, but he tried hard to not let it show.

 The second night, my dad was having a difficult time sleeping. I did a breathing treatment for him, but this didn't take care of it. I kept checking him every half an hour or so through the night. Around 2:30 a.m. he seemed hot to me, so I took his temperature and it was 102.8. I called the hospital and told them that we were coming back in, because they told me on discharge that a temperature could be a sign of further infection.

They kept him for a couple of days, but this time I had to be more accepting of his needing to go to a skilled nursing facility, because unfortunately I couldn't provide the level of medical care he needed. I had read the medicare.gov reports and comments on the two facilities in our town and decided to check them both out. I saw more positive interaction between the staff and the patients in the skilled nursing facility housed in the nursing home than I did the other facility.

After making all the arrangements for Dad to go there for 10-14 days, I tried to help him with his paper work, because he kept falling asleep while they gave him an overview of all the many pages he was supposed to sign. Although my dad was going to be staying in a different place, I still feel really blessed to have him here as long as God allows. John 15:9 As the Father hath loved Me, so have I loved you: continue ye in My love. 

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

Dad Wasn't Cooperative

Matthew 22: 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

My dad is much more than just a neighbor, but as he started declining, I had to remind myself of this. God didn't just want me to be there to support my dad when the going was good. I had to be the support God needed of me even when my dad wasn't cooperative.

That's still the case, especially as he loses more and more of his independence. I think there's a strong correlation between that and his willingness to accept support/help. Before Dad could leave the hospital, the social worker asked where dad was going to go when he was discharged. Of course, I chimed in and said that my dad was going home with me, but dad said nothing, which isn't really unlike my dad. He's often quiet and lets others talk while he takes it all in.

Later, a physical therapist came in and told us that she thinks we weren't making the best move for my dad and that he should go to a skilled nursing facility where he would get more physical therapy sessions that he would get with home health services at my house. After she left, I asked my dad if he wanted to come home with me or if he preferred to go to a skilled nursing facility. He wouldn't say a thing. I asked him thirty different ways and lots of tears later for about an hour, explaining that I didn't want to be making all the decisions in his life and wanted to know what he wanted, but he would never respond.

When I requested the social worker come back to help with this, he finally said he wanted to go home with us, but that was after about another half an hour of the social worker asking him as well as me. Although it was frustrating, I have to remember that so much of his self-worth is tied into his independence and he was having a difficult time with this. It was after many prayers and tears, that this was revealed to me. I'm so glad God is by my side when I'm befuddled. Matthew 22: 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.


Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.



Video: How to Transfer a Patient from a Bed to a Wheelchair: Physical Therapy Tips
By: ehowhealth, Alice Holland via You Tube


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