Being Badgered by Well-Meaning Doctors: Part II

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. Proverbs 10:1

Part II: You would not believe how many times I've been approached by doctors when I've taken my dad to the hospital in the last two years. They see my dad, who has Parkinson's Disease and has lost lots of weight. I think they feel sorry for him in that he can't stand without help and his skin just hangs off of his body. Almost every time, the doctors ask me about whether I have a Durable Power of Attorney or a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) Order for my dad.

 Recently, Dad had to be taken to a hospital. He had been taking antibiotics at the Veteran's Home for his pneumonia and appeared to be almost over it, but he spiked a fever and was rushed to the hospital. Dad had a lung infection that is inoperable, probably due to how frail he is and will continue to have this periodically until it gets the best of him. The doctor impressed on me how vitally important it is for me to have a Do Not Resuscitate Order and a Durable Power of Attorney. After I explained that my dad doesn't want either of those, the doctor continued to impress on me four or five times, the importance of the DNR, with increasing urgency in his voice, saying that I had to get this so my dad didn't have to experience this terrible outcome, otherwise. He told me that Dad's not able to make this decision for himself and I had to do it.

Then, to top it off, that doctor had an associate doctor call me at home two nights later, telling me again, how important it was for me to get a DNR for my dad and how my dad would have to live on a breathing machine for the rest of his life in a somewhat comatose condition if they tried to resuscitate him. Being prayerful about all of this, I typed up something that said I agreed to a DNR if my dad was likely to have to live on a life support system, and got it notarized, but they wouldn't accept it.

I had one of the nurses come talk to my dad with me for an hour, trying to explain the importance of the DNR, but he didn't want it. He thought she was trying to sign him up for some type of life insurance policy. I finally had my dad talk on the phone to my sister-in-law, who is a nurse. She was able to get Dad to verbally tell her that he didn't want to live on a life support system. To Be Continued...

 How to Relieve the Stress of Caring for an Aging Parent: Amy O'Rourke at TEDxOrlando 
By: Amy O'Rourke, TEDxOrlando via You Tube


Being Badgered by Well-Meaning Doctors: Part I

The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son maketh a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. Proverbs 10:1

You would not believe how many times I've been approached by doctors when I've taken my dad to the hospital in the last two years. They see my dad as incapable, because he has Parkinson's Disease and has lost lots of weight. I think they feel sorry for him in that he can't stand without help and his skin just hangs off of his body. Almost every time, the doctors ask me about whether I have a Durable Power of Attorney or a Do Not Resuscitate Order (DNR) for my dad.

 When I tell them no and that Dad doesn't want do any of these, in fact he's been adamant about this over the years, they continue to tell me why I need to make my dad understand the importance of these legal documents. Some of these well-meaning doctors have made me feel negligent that I am unable to get my dad to agree to these. Dad doesn't want these and every discussion with him on this topic ends up in an argument. I'm not totally sure why, but I think he's read articles about children who are after their parent's money and they take over their parent's finances, homes, etc. and the aging parent is helpless to fend for themselves against these money grubbers.

I even tried to explain to him that he stayed with us a year and we never charged him anything, thinking that he would better understand that we weren't money grubbers. The more you talk about a topic to my dad, the more he thinks that you have an ulterior motive. In the last year since he's been in the group home and then the Veteran's Home, I bring him his bank statement each month. I want him to see that the only money that's taken out of his account is for his medical bills, prescriptions, and his housing, due to the Parkinson's. Does my dad feel more trusting and willing to discuss the topics of Durable Power of Attorney or a DNR, after he sees that we don't take any of his money? No! I've tried and tried until I'm blue in the face, because the doctors tell me how important these are with Dad's medical condition.  Although this is a tough topic for me to discuss. I still feel blessed to have this time with my dad, stubbornness and all. ..To Be Continued

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

 Caregiving Video: Family 411: Examining Parental Duties: Sandwich Generation

WKEF & WRGT Sheila Gray, Dr. Julie Schaefer, Jenny Mac Dougall, Kathy Smith via You Tube



Sometimes, It Just Hurts!

A wise son heareth his father's instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Proverbs 13:1

I don't know why, but if I bring my dad a plate of food, try to help him, or make a suggestion, he will get angry with me. Sometimes, it just hurts! I'm not sure why he does this, but in trying to be of support to my dad, I try to hear the instruction that my Heavenly Father has for me in these situations.

When I'm prayerful about these things, I think that my dad's abrupt and sometimes rude response has more to do with his denial of his health issues. He so wants to be independent and capable as he once was a couple of years ago. He doesn't want to be dependent on his daughter bringing him food or cutting it up small enough. He doesn't want someone having to assist him, because he has Parkinson's Disease and can't do it on his own. He doesn't want someone giving him helpful suggestions, because he wants his old life back. He wants his autonomy, where people are concerned about how much he eats and when, and whether he's holding on to the walker properly.

I have to remember how terribly difficult it must be for someone to have to deal with giving up so much of their way of life in order to survive. According to the feeling I get when I'm prayerful about this, I have to not let his anger get to me, because that just makes us both feel bad. He's having a difficult time adjusting and sometimes, I have to just stand in the wings and let my husband or staff assist him, as needed. Maintaining Dad's dignity is much more important than soothing my hurt feelings. I am so very, very blessed to have all of this extra time with my dad.  A wise son heareth his father's instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Proverbs 13:1

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Caregiver Self-Care/ Healthy Caregiver Tips
By: Sunrise Senior Living, Paul & Terry Klaasen via You Tube

My Dad Has the Right Idea About Politics

Romans 12: 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

I realize that this post is going to come out long after the Presidential Race is decided. It has kept me on pins and needles, because I'm concerned about the future of our country. When this political race gets the best of me, I have to remind myself to put it into God's very capable hands, but it doesn't seem long before I weary myself about it again. That's not God's failing, that's mine for continuing to worry after He's taken it away from me.

About a week ago, I mentioned something to my dad about the political race, to see if he wanted to watch anything about it on TV. Actually, it was so I could see what was going on politically, although I was using the pretense of doing it for my dad. These blog posts are always so eye-opening for me, because God shows me my very human nature, that I really would rather overlook. Fortunately for me, that Christ cares enough about me to show me what I truly need to know about myself.

 Anyway, my dad wasn't interested in the least to watch anything political on the TV. He would much rather watch a show on the Gold Rush and Alaska, which are his type of shows. (My dad had the right idea about politics and wasn't going to worry about it.) I was a little surprised by his lack of enthusiasm over the political situation. There was a time, years ago, where Dad would have had a heated discussion about politics and had very strong views, usually the complete opposite of mine. I knew better than to argue with him back then. For one, a great thing about our country is that everyone is allowed to decide who they think is the best candidate for President, or for any other office, for that matter. Two, I just don't believe in arguing, especially with your parents. Romans 12: 18 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Seniors Count
By: Serving Seniors via You Tube

Ground Food, Yuk!

My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Proverbs 6:20

My dad is at the Veteran's Home, but he was getting ground food, because he's a choking risk and had lost ten pounds since he started. For me to lose ten pounds might not be a major thing, but for my dad who weighs next to nothing to lose ten pounds, it's a pretty major thing.

I had so much to be prayerful about. If I put my dad back on regular food, he could choke and die. If I kept my dad on the ground food and he didn't eat it, because it wasn't appealing or he was embarrassed to eat it in front of the other residents, he could still die. It seemed to me that his death was more eminent through his starving to death, because he wouldn't eat the ground food.

So after prayerful consideration, I talked to the nurse in charge of his floor. I had to sign a wavier, so that he would go back to cut-up food/chopped instead of ground or pureed. Once his food looked more like normal, my dad started eating again and even gained some weight back, although he's grossly underweight. I'm just glad to see him eating. It may not add years to his life, but it will add some time and I just want to enjoy every minute of it that I can. I have been so blessed to have had this extra time with my dad.

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.


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