Making My Dad the Scape Goat

For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. Matthew 15: 4

I don't know that I've done anything as drastic as what's in this Bible verse, but I did realize recently that I have made my dad the scape goat a few times too many. Someone was asking me to get together, but it just felt overwhelming. Instead of just saying no not right now, but I appreciate your offer, I said something like the following:

"I can't get together right now, because I can only go see my dad on the days that I don't pick up the grandsons from school, I go see my dad two days a week. I usually go up one day and see him, my husband and I spend the night at a local hotel, and then we see him again the next morning before heading home."

Now, that's really the truth, that's exactly what we do and I really look forward to it every week. The thing that's a problem is two-fold. One is, my not wanting to get together right now, didn't really have anything to do with going to see my dad. It just felt overwhelming to stick something else in my schedule.

The second thing is, she might have gotten the impression that I feel burdened by going to see my dad two days a week, when in fact, that's far from the truth. My husband and I really look forward to seeing him. Was I being deceitful when I responded to her? Well, yes and no. No, because what I said was the truth, but yes, because I used seeing my dad as an excuse for not getting together right now. I really didn't mean to do that, but it was a handy thing to say, which probably makes it worse. This gives me so much to be prayerful about, because I want my actions to be aligned with what Christ and my dad would want. For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. Matthew 15: 4

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Seniors Fall in Love with iPods at Retirement Home
By: WGAL News 8, Katelyn Smith & Matt Barcaro, Music & Memory, Bethany Village via You Tube

Jumping Every Time I Hear the Phone Ring in the Night

They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. Revelations 7: 16-17

I've had a few scary calls in the night or early in the morning about Dad needing to be rushed to the hospital. Fortunately, he got better, but know that's not always going to be the case. I've been very blessed to have this extra time getting to know my Dad better and to be there for him.

Most of the calls in the middle of the night or early morning calls have been from friends and family who live in different time zones. I know there's going to come the day that I'm going to pick up the phone and they are going to give me the inevitable news I don't want to hear.

Sometimes, I fool myself into thinking that I am realistically preparing myself for that day, but every time I get one of those calls, I begin to panic inside. My Dad's become so much a part of my daily life, since I call him everyday, it's hard for me to imagine a time that he's no longer here. I should remember that when I see Dad again, he will be in a much better place with his Savior. They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall the sun light on them, nor any heat. For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. Revelations 7: 16-17

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Memory Care Activities
By: Elderspan via You Tube

The Big Scheme of Things

But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Matthew 15: 5-6

Yesterday, I was thinking about how truly blessed I've been to have my Dad move here 2 1/2 years ago. Yest, there have been lots of up and downs, but they don't really seem to matter in the big scheme of things.

My dad used to live half way across the country and I only got to fly out and see him once a year. Sure we had a nice time when I would visit Dad and his wife, but the trip flew by all too quickly. I tried to call Dad each week, but it's not the same thing.

Never did I ever guess that my Dad would request to come live with us and to help him with his medical condition. Although my dad didn't know he had Parkinson's Disease at the time, he probably knew something was wrong and it was more than he wanted his wife to care for when she had a bad back, at the time.

Regardless of the reasons, my Dad's being here has been a sense of joy in my life! Regardless of the ups and downs, I've gotten to know my dad on a whole new level and feel blessed for that opportunity. Due to doctor's recommendations, Dad eventually went to the State Veteran's Home where they could provide more medical care than we were able to give, due to his frequent falls and his getting pneumonia often. I look forward to the days we go see him each week. I am truly blessed to have had this extra time with my dad! But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Matthew 15: 5-6

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Art Therapy Benefits Seniors with Memory Challenges
By: Jessica Kulczycki, Reinberger, Judson Park, Judson Smart Living via You Tube


Getting Dad's Dentures Out After Dinner When He Goes to the Hospital

Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother. Mark 10:19

The previous post about his dentures reminded me of this. When Dad goes to the hospital, I have to remember to ask all those involved in the evening shift to help him/coax him to get his teeth out right after dinner. It doesn't sound like such a big thing, but I've learned the hard way to make it a priority.

There were a couple of times when Dad didn't get admitted into the hospital until later in the evening. Trying to get Dad to get his dentures out in those situations is almost a lost cause. There are times, where the nursing staff has just let him keep his dentures in all night, but Dad's gums are raw the following days and it makes it difficult for him to eat.

Knowing this, I have learned it's worth the struggle to get them out in the evenings. Unfortunately, often when he's been admitted, he is either exhausted from being in the ER all afternoon undergoing tests or he is disoriented, because he has pneumonia. In either case, he doesn't seem to be able to pull them out or help when either the nursing staff or I try to assist in removing his dentures from his mouth. It's a fine line at times like this. I want to honor my Dad when he's resistant, but know it's beneficial in the long run to continue to try to coax him to remove them.

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Video: Why You Should Tell Seniors to Remove Their Dentures Before Going to Bed
By: Bill Loganeski, The Saturday Morning Diet, Joan Diet Bars via You Tube

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