Remembering When...

Luke 23: 42 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when Thou comest into Thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, to day shalt thou be with me in paradise.

I picked this Bible passage, because it mentions remembering. Well, as I sat there by Dad's bedside holding his hand the night before his death, I tried to recall all the events in our lives together.  I told so many stories, of when we went camping, when he had a gas station and took my brother to work with him, when we went fishing together, so many, many fond memories.

 I even stuck in some not so fond memories, like when I got carsick on a camping trip and had to stick my head out the window, because we weren't allowed to stop and how Dad had to apologize to the driver behind us, because he had to clean of his car.

 As I was remembering when, Jesus was calling Dad unto His kingdom as in this verse: Luke 23: 42 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when Thou comest into Thy kingdom. 43 And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, to day shalt thou be with me in paradise. Actually, I hadn't thought of the parallel in both things until I started writing this. Jesus is so amazing and draws me to see His magnificent hand in all things!
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As God Stood at the Door

Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me.

When I first got to the Veteran's Home, I asked for Dad's big read Bible as I held his hand. I immediately started reading Psalm 23: 1-6: The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 

 After that, I went to the part where Dad and I had last left off. When Dad went to the group home several years ago, I started reading the New Testament to him every now and then when the timing worked out. When I would finish reading that particular chapter, I would tell Dad what chapter we would read next.

 The bookmark where we had last read was in the early part of II Corinthians. I was determined to finish II Corinthians with Dad, so I read until we finished. I can't know if it was reassuring to Dad, but I know it was reassuring to me. I also picked the following Bible passage for this post, because I feel that's what was going on as I was reading to Dad: Rev 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me.
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I'm Glad that God Will Never Leave Us, because I Had Left

Hebrew 13: 5 Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. 6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

While I was eating breakfast next to Dad, as he lay in bed after a major episode the night before, my husband came to see me. He had been staying in the hotel through the night, because I told him that I wanted to spend the night and hold Dad's hand and he should go get some rest, because he had a major dental appointment the next day to get an dental implant.

 When I talked to my husband, as I woofed down my breakfast, I talked to him about his appointment. He was determined to drive back the 1 hour to the Veteran's Home as soon as they completed the implant. I didn't want him driving all that way on whatever medications they would give him, so I talked to the Hospice nurse. 

 I heard that noise Dad made as he breathed, but she said it was normal. I mentioned that I had read that some people make a breathing noise just before they die (Death Rattle) and asked her if that is what it was without using the term in front of Dad. She said it was. I asked how long we might have, because I didn't want to leave Dad, but I didn't want my husband driving back from the dentist on medications that might affect his driving and safety. She told me that there's usually 24-48 hours. I asked her if that time was from last night's episode or from this morning when Dad started making that noise. She said that it's from when he started breathing like that. We talked and she felt that I could drive my husband to the appointment an hour away and come back and still be able to be with Dad and hold his hand when he passed, but it wasn't to be. Fortunately, God was there with Dad, because He never leaves, nor forsakes us.

Care Giving Tips Video: Living with Lewy Body Dementia
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Holding Dad's Hand

1 Peter 3:17 For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.

 We rushed to Dad's bedside and I stayed there holding his hand through the night. Every time I had to go to void, I would used Dad's attached bathroom and ask the Hospice nurse if she could hold onto Dad's hand for me while I used the bathroom. I didn't want my dad's hand to be cold when I withdrew mine to use the lavatory.

 When I got finished, I would hold Dad's hand again. At one point, the Hospice nurse went down the hall. When she returned, she asked me if I needed to have her hold Dad's hand, so I could use the bathroom. I told her no, because Dad was holding my hand, at that point. It wasn't that Dad's hand was just laying on my hand and he wasn't squeezing my hand in pain. Dad was holding my hand in a comforting manner which I truly cherish every time I think of it.

 When the nurse came in to check on Dad at 6:00, I asked if she would get me a guest tray for breakfast. I thought the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach was hunger, but it really was from the stress of everything, but I was so very, very happy to be there with Dad through all of this. 
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We Got to Dad as Fast as We Could

Revelation 3:3 Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.

We had gotten the call from the nurse that Thursday night just before we headed to bed, packed our bags and got to Dad in record time, which defies all logic, because it takes an hour to get to the Veteran's Home and we didn't exceed the speed limit. 

They said that Dad had projectile vomiting across the room, but the nurse had cleaned him up and had administered some heavy pain medications to comfort Dad's erratic breathing. I asked him if he was still in pain and he said yes while he gave a slight nod to his head. They administered more heavy pain meds, at that point, while I held Dad's hand.

Dad slowly went off to sleep. He slept peacefully all night as I held his hand. He looked and sounded like Dad normally sleeps, with his mouth open and his breathing sounded very regular. I had hopes that maybe, Dad would be just fine in the morning, but that wasn't to be. I'm so glad I got to be with Dad throughout the night. 


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