Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
I know the nurses told me that it was time that Dad should go on Hospice services. I had been putting it off for years now, because Dad never was in much pain. He got an occasional headache which Tylenol cured and his legs would get tangled, because of the Parkinson's Disease. Once they were untangle and re-positioned, his pain subsided.
This time was different, though. They said that Dad had said to one of the nurses that he was through, had enough! It didn't sound like my dad. My dad was a fighter and didn't give up easily. My dad wanted to live forever, which I know isn't a realistic thought, but that's how he approached his life. I know Dad never wanted me to sign paper work of this nature in the past and it weighed heavily on me to sign it. I asked the head nurse at the Veteran's Home if she would ask Dad if he wanted the extra pain relief that Hospice services would provide and he told them yes.
I had used the chicken way out, letting Dad say he wanted these services rather than my making the decision for him. Part of that is good, because it should be the patient who determines what is best for them. The part that isn't so good, is that I didn't want that responsibility or guilt on my shoulders and I quickly abdicated any responsibility for this decision and put it in the nurses hands. The thing is, I didn't totally let go of the responsibility and guilt, because I've been wanting to eat at times when I know I'm not hungry or foods that I know aren't good for me. These are signs that I'm not putting this decisions and my dad's situation in Christ's hands and I really need to.
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