Drawing Limits-Setting Healthy Boundaries

Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. Mark 14:38

My dad had lost a couple of pounds in the first few weeks after moving here. He told me that he didn't want me to make any more food for him for the rest of the day, but I told him that he had only eaten breakfast and he needed the extra food or he would lose more weight.

His reply surprised me. My dad told me that the reason he's lost all his weight was because I was worrying him to death and pestering him about eating. I was in shock! It was hard to listen to something that sounded so hurtful. My first very human instinct was to say something back just as hurtful, but fortunately God stepped in and stopped me.

This is what came out of my mouth, although I was shaking like a leaf. I told him that he had lost all that weight in the years prior to moving here and that it had nothing to do with me worrying him to death and pestering him about eating. Then, I proceeded to tell him that I treat him very well and don't talk rudely to him and did not deserve for him to talk to me that way and did not expect him to talk to me like that in the future!

I think I caught him off guard, because he was dumbfounded. I know it's got to be difficult to be away from his home and loved ones, but I think it was healthy to draw appropriate limits, so that I didn't get blamed every time he was unhappy.

I'm just so glad that God stopped me and rewrote what came out of my mouth, because I would have regretted responding back hatefully. Fortunately, these interactions have been rare. I feel really blessed to get to spend this time with my dad! Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. Mark 14:38


Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.
These Are Other Blogs I Felt Led to Write:

Caregiving Video: Preventing Caregiver Burnout: Saying 'No" to Our Elderly Parent
By: Kathy with ParentCareAlliance via You Tube



Talking in Code

James 5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: 15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. 

I think my dad has a difficult time projecting that he is less than perfectly healthy, the way he wishes he were. It's resulted in me learning to talk in code to medical professionals. Since my dad is so significantly underweight, one of the first things medical professionals ask him is whether he's eating three meals a day. He always tells them yes, although he rarely eats three meals a day. They ask him if he eats snacks between meals and he says yes, but it doesn't happen often.

Medical professionals ask him if he exercises and he tells them yes, but it rarely happens without a physical therapist assisting him. They ask him if his bowels are regular and he says yes, but his constipation has been a major issue that has caused him to not eat on many occasions.

At first, I didn't say anything contrary to what my dad says, because it makes me feel like I'm being disrespectful of my dad. Then, I realized that these medical professionals can help heal him if they don't have an accurate picture of what's going on. I've resorted to hand signals, shaking my head behind where my dad is, and talking in code where I allude to the accurate answer trying to not sound disrespectful to my dad. It's not always easy.

Fortunately some of the in-home medical professionals provided by Medicare have allowed me to sent them texts. That way, I can address medical concerns about my dad without having to say everything in front of him. I feel truly blessed to have this extra time with my dad. James 5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: 15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.
These Are Other Blogs I Felt Led to Write:

Caregiving Video: Preventative Health Care for Seniors Video
By: RaffertyWeissMedia via You Tube

Needed but Unwanted Conversations

 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Romans 12:12

After we went to see the doctor following a recent episode at the Emergency Room, he told us that my dad has most likely been experiencing TIAs (mini strokes.) He said that the odds are that my dad is a prime candidate for having a major stroke, so he referred us to a neurologist immediately so he can head this off at the pass. 

Being a ducks in a row person, I tried to pick my timing carefully, obviously not carefully enough, to discuss financial issues with my dad. I told him that he should possibly see if there's something he should do at the bank so that I can help him continue to pay his bills. He didn't want to hear of that. He went back into his suspicious mode where he thinks people are after his money.

He went to his room and I went to try to explain that if he were to have a stroke, I wouldn't be able to continue to pay his bills for him. It's probably got to be terribly difficult to think of yourself being immobilized, especially when you view yourself as a very independent adult. I didn't realize that this conversation was forcing him to deal with this issue, because he told me that he didn't want to talk about it and wants to wait to see what happens.

 I tried to explain that if he had a stroke, it might be too late for him to tell them to let me write checks for his hospital and doctor bills, but he just wasn't ready to hear it. He figured I kept explaining things to cover up some greedy ulterior motives. I tried to explain that if we had wanted his money, we would have charged him rent for staying here, but we didn't choose to. No amount of logic was getting through. 

I was frustrated until I turned it over to God's very capable hands. He showed me that since my dad has had several TIAs, his reasoning is somewhat diminished. What my dad feels is what seems real to him and I need to love him and respect him in spite of it. Hopefully, he never has a major stroke, because he doesn't want to take care of any of the financial loose ends. These are somewhat difficult things to deal with, in that I'm a ducks in a row person, but I have to put that behind me and just trust God to take care of things. I feel really blessed that God has allowed us this time with my dad. Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Romans 12:12
Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.
These Are Other Blogs I Felt Led to Write:

Difficult Conversations: Are your Elderly Parents Resistant, Reluctant or Ready?
By: Kathy with ParentCareAlliance via You Tube

Knocking on the Door

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and sup with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

We followed up on my dad's ER visit the other day. They had taken a CAT scan, because my dad's speech had become incoherent several times that afternoon. They said that he wasn't having a stroke and that they couldn't really tell about TIA's (mini strokes) from the CAT scan. The ER physician thought that the incoherent speech came from my dad's being dehydrated which aggrivated his Parkinsonism (health condition similar to Parkinson's, but somewhat different.)

I had been so relieved, that my dad hadn't had a stroke. Then, when I was at the doctor's office today, the doctor told me that my dad has had several TIA's and that we need to get him to a neurologist, because odds are that he's a candidate for a stroke which the neurologist might help prevent.

Ever since I made the decision to be my dad's caregiver, I have told myself that I am happy with whatever amount of time that God allows my dad' to be with me, no regrets. I want my dad to join God when He knocks, but when the doctor told me that he's a prime candidate for a stroke, the child comes out in me and says, "I'm not ready for my Daddy to go yet. Please let him stay a little longer, God."  Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and sup with him, and he with Me. Revelation 3:20

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.
These Are Other Blogs I Felt Led to Write:

When Your Parent Needs You: A Guide to Positive Growth When Caring for Adult Parents
By: Paraclete Press

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