Grieving Some of Dad's Losses

Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. Psalm 128:6

 My dad and I used to play his Solitaire game over the years when I went to see him. He took turns playing it with me when he first moved in with us. After about six months, his Macular Degeneration got so bad he couldn't see the cards.

I remedied this with bolder printed cards, but after a while this wasn't enough. I started playing Solitaire explaining play by play what I was doing in case he couldn't see it well enough. Eventually, that wasn't enough either, so I turned the cards to face my dad and still gave a play by play commentary with each new play.

God got us through each of these changes, but I wasn't prepared for what happened this week. I was playing with the cards all facing my dad and he said, "I'm pretty much a Poker man or a Pinnacle Man, but I don't understand how to play Solitaire."

I asked him if he remembered that he played this particular Solitaire game every day for 10-15 years, but he couldn't remember it and didn't understand how it is played. I keep playing it in front of him hoping that it would jog his memory, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm grieving some of my dad's losses, but they don't seem to bother him as much as me. I have to turn these things over into God's very capable hands, because He blesses me as He gets me through these changes. Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel. Psalm 128:6


Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Do You Have Short Term Memory Loss: Quick Memory Test
By: CeeDee, http://startremembering.net via You Tube

Grumble Gripe

For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of His mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6

It seems that my dad gets frustrated more easily these days than he used to. At first, I respond by telling him that I don't like him talking to me that way, but then God gives me more insight. It's got to be difficult to go from spending the majority of your life as an independent adult and now need help.

It's got to be difficult losing your eye sight, your ability to walk, some of your memory, and have people ask you if you've had a BM lately or need a laxative? It's understandable that my dad would be frustrated or angry on occasion, it's just difficult to hear it aimed at me.

I think that I feel I put so much effort into to trying to keep him healthy, maintain his self-respect, etc. that I feel crushed when his frustration is focused at me. After telling him that I don't like him talking to me that way, I've gone back and apologized, explaining that it's normal that he gets frustrated at times, but I just don't like him directing it at me. I feel very blessed because my dad doesn't gets angry often, although some do. For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of His mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2:6

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.



Delicious is in the Eye of the Beholder

My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and farsake not the law of the thy mother: for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. Proverbs 1:8-9

 Usually my dad has me chop the meats in his Meals on Wheels lunches. It's harder for him to chop up the whole piece of meat, so he hasn't minded my assisting him until...

I served our dinners and had made BBQ chicken breasts for each of us. I immediately chopped up my dad's chicken, because cutting through a chicken breast, although boneless, can be somewhat difficult. I told my dad that we were having BBQ chicken and you could see he was looking forward to it by how quickly he headed for the table.

When he got there, he didn't want his chicken. At first it hurt my feelings. I had tried to make a special meal for all of us. Being prayerful about this, God let me know that delicious is in the eye of the beholder. The more I thought about this, having a chopped up heap of food probably wasn't all that appealing. Additionally, it may take away some of his dignity by chopping it without asking him. Normally, he doesn't mind, but this was with my husband and maybe it was embarrassing that I assumed that he needed help.

All these things streamed through my mind, so I developed a resolve to not chop up his food until he tells me he needs assistance. That didn't work as well as I thought, because it's somewhat embarrassing to have to ask for help, although it shouldn't be. I have since started cutting half of the meat and leaving the rest in tact, so that my dad can see what the meat looked like before the rest got chopped up. This has worked better. I am so blessed that God gives me insights as to things that might interfere with my dad's maintaining his self-respect while being cared for.

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Saving Lives with Gus
By: Dr. Raaj Ruparel, Mayo Clinic via You Tube

Showering Help

Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5

 We put a shower bench in the tub, so my dad could sit on the outside and pull his feet over while in a sitting position. I had purchased a pump bottle of shampoo and body wash, because God gave me the instincts to purchase these rather than him chasing after the slippery soap bar. I also read that a person could get a soap on the rope, but I haven't tried that yet.

My dad is very private and didn't want us involved in his bathing routine, but that made me uncertain whether it was happening frequently enough. I didn't want to embarrass him by continuing to ask him if he'd taken a bath, so I was uncertain how to ensure more bathing while maintaining his dignity.

One time, he had a spell of quite a few falls and was very weak. When he was being re-evaluated for services, we talked with his nurse about his possibly getting a home health aide. She said that my dad was entitled to those services and agreed to getting that assistance where he hadn't been open to that option prior to this.

The home health aide was very smart. She came and did some minor things the first time and didn't try showering him. It's a very personal thing and it takes time to build rapport with the person bathing you. He was much more open to letting her bathing him on the next visit and started bathing more frequently himself when she wasn't here. I feel so blessed that God has provided these services to help my dad be more independent and that allow him to keep his self-respect. Great is our Lord, and of great power: His understanding is infinite. Psalm 147:5

Since these are examples of how I've applied these Bible verses to my experience, they may not reflect the whole meaning of the verse.

I'm including You Tube Video clips on caregiving that I found interesting, inspirational, or might be helpful to others, but am not responsible for the content in the videos. Always check first with a physician before trying any suggestions mentioned.

Caregiving Video: Showering and Transferring
By: Caregiver Insights Foundation 


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