I Became the Fatherless, but not Exactly

James 1:27 Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

At first, I picked this verse, because it had the word visit in it. I wanted to tell you about the visit we had with Dad, but will explain more later. We went to the Veteran's Home to visit Dad like we usually do. I was a bit apprehensive, because a week earlier I had signed the Hospice papers, because Dad told the nurse that he wanted extra support for pain that Hospice could give him. I wasn't sure what to expect when I saw Dad that day.

Actually, Dad looked pretty good. We had lunch together. He ate most of a cup of soup and crackers. The Veteran's Home has wonderful soup that always tastes like homemade. Dad let me feed him three orange jellos. He ate his jello, my husband's and my jello. He let me take his fortified ice cream and milk shake flavored drink to make a milk shake for him and he let me give him every last drop. Now, me, on the other hand, woofed down my meal in five minutes flat. It's a really bad habit I've developed over the years. 

After going back and spending some time with Dad in his room, we headed back home. We had finished watching Heartland, one of our favorite series from Netflix, when we got the call as we were headed for bed. The nurse asked how far away I was, which told me a lot. I asked if I should come and they said that they can't make that call. I asked if it were her dad would she go and she said yes! I told her it takes at least an hour to drive there, but we were packing our bags and heading right there to see Dad as soon as we could possibly get there. I didn't know that within 24 hours I would be one of the fatherless. Fortunately, my heavenly Father was there with me through it all.


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Taking on Control that Wasn't Mine to Start With

Ephesians 4:30 And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 

One of the biggest things I found out when Christ allowed me to lose 80+ pounds and to keep the vast majority of it off for over 30 years, is that a big problem I had was giving up control to Christ. All the years prior to that, I asked, "God help ME lose the weight." "Help Me become Thin." "Help me..." When I did finally put it into Christ's very capable hands after all those years and gave up [control] He allowed the weight loss. It's been an amazing and uplifting experience, but I'm back into the control doldrums again!

My dad told the nurses that he would like Hospice services for his pain. I couldn't get the nerve to sign the papers for him on my own and asked the nurses to ask my dad if he really wanted this assistance and he did. I thought that would make it easier, and it maybe has, but I keep trying to be in control so much that I can't feel any relief.

Upon signing the Hospice paperwork for my dad, they handed me a 59 page booklet. Being a dutiful daughter and a retired teacher, I felt I should read it all and as soon as possible. Right??? Well, the last two nights that I have been reading the booklet, I have had severe pains in my head. The first night, there was a burning sensation all along the right side of my face. I was concerned that it might be signs of a stroke, so I chewed up two baby aspirins. I didn't connect it to reading the Hospice booklet at the time. 

The next night, after finishing the booklet, I had severe stabbing feelings in the right side of my skull above and behind my ear. My husband told me to stop reading the Hospice information. I was trying to read the three additional, smaller packets of info they had given me. I finished reading one and a half packets and put it down, just in case my husband was right about why my head hurt so much. It still hurt periodically in the night any time I would think of my dad or Hospice. It hurt so bad, I thought I had an aneurysm causing the pain. Christ gave me the idea to take a Tylenol to see if it went away and it did. That showed me that the stress over Hospice and my dad's pending passing were getting the best of me. I was trying to control things again instead of putting all of this into Christ's very capable hands like I did over 30 years ago. I am praying for Christ healing touch in my life and a willingness to put the control of these situations in Christ's hands where they belong-not mine!

Care Giving Tips Video: Caregiver Training: Aggressive Language/Behavior
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I Resorted to the Chicken Way Out

Ephesians 2:10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

I know the nurses told me that it was time that Dad should go on Hospice services. I had been putting it off for years now, because Dad never was in much pain. He got an occasional headache which Tylenol cured and his legs would get tangled, because of the Parkinson's Disease. Once they were untangle and re-positioned, his pain subsided.

 This time was different, though. They said that Dad had said to one of the nurses that he was through, had  enough! It didn't sound like my dad. My dad was a fighter and didn't give up easily. My dad wanted to live forever, which I know isn't a realistic thought, but that's how he approached his life. I know Dad never wanted me to sign paper work of this nature in the past and it weighed heavily on me to sign it. I asked the head nurse at the Veteran's Home if she would ask Dad if he wanted the extra pain relief that Hospice services would provide and he told them yes. 

 I had used the chicken way out, letting Dad say he wanted these services rather than my making the decision for him. Part of that is good, because it should be the patient who determines what is best for them. The part that isn't so good, is that I didn't want that responsibility or guilt on my shoulders and I quickly abdicated any responsibility for this decision and put it in the nurses hands. The thing is, I didn't totally let go of the responsibility and guilt, because I've been wanting to eat at times when I know I'm not hungry or foods that I know aren't good for me. These are signs that I'm not putting this decisions and my dad's situation in Christ's hands and I really need to. 


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Although I Understand Why I'm Hungry, I Still Want to Eat...

1 Corinthians 15: 20 But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the first fruits of them that slept. 21 For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. 22 for as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

Yes, I'm hungry again. I understand why, but still want to eat. I went to the Veteran's Home today for a Quarterly Care Plan Meeting about my dad. I knew the topic of Hospice would be coming up, because I told them the previous week I wanted to pursue some things, first, before I discussed it further at the meeting.  

 I had them take Xrays and they found that Dad had Oesteo Arthritis in his back and tail bone. They upped Dad's meds to Arthritis Strength Tylenol to help his pain. I wanted to wait to see if this handled his pain sufficiently, before deciding on Hospice. Since, I was told Dad was still in pain, at times, I asked the nurse to see if Dad wanted Hospice services to help with his pain and he did.

 On the way home, after signing all the Hospice papers, I was so hungry. I realize my hunger has to do with the stress that signing Hospice papers brought on. Even though I understand why I feel hungry, I still want to eat. When I got home, I wanted ice cream, something I rarely have, because I have Hypoglycemia. Then, I wanted my grandson's Vanilla Yogurt. I know that this stress I'm experiencing with the signing of the Hospice signing is leading to my craving sugar instead of just eating an apple, etc. Instead, I have to be aware of this and turn this stress over to Christ's very capable hands to help me through this stage in my dad's life.


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The Part I Dreaded Throughout the Time of Caring for My Dad

For Thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in Thy truth: Psalm 26:3

 I have entered the part that I never wanted to deal with. It's not as major as I might make it, but I dreaded this throughout the time of caring for my dad. Growing up, I would see shows or hear of situations where people got money grubby after the death of a loved one.

 I've divided up the possession of Dad's, trying to make sure that each family member had things that would remind them of him and I've had no problems. I took his remaining money, short of what might be needed for next year's income tax, and divided it between Dad's three children. My brother passed away some years ago, so his portion of Dad's money was divided between by brother's widow and four children. I had very little problems with that, although there was a minor negative discussion with one relative.

 I recently found out that there was a small life insurance policy and it gets divided between Dad's three children after all the claims are turned in. One family member commented on how the other family members better hurry up and turn their forms in soon! The implication was that the person couldn't wait to get that money. The thing is, when people get like this, it's about money that they didn't earn and doesn't really belong to them other than it's a gift from their loved one. 

 I know the comment wasn't all that terrible, but it brings back all those movies and stories I heard about how family member got "The Greedy Gurdies!"  Instead, I should focus on the vast majority of the family that have been very patient and supportive even when it took me soooooo long to fill out the paperwork for this insurance, because of my grief and about how I feel about issues dealing with Dad's money.  I think that's the lesson for me in all of this!

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My Dad was a Very Honorable Man!

Lord I have loved the habitation of Thy house, and the place where thine honour dwelleth. Psalm 26:8

 Although it wasn't always easy for my dad to share his love for family members, he was a very honorable man! In think that in how my dad was raised, being a good provider, a good example, and being someone you could depend on was the way you showed others he loved them. Knowing this made it easier when I didn't always hear those words.

 It makes me focus more on the example my dad was. He was a hard worker and had a giving heart. I remember when his lemon or orange trees would have an abundance of fruit, my dad would gather it up and share it with people at the local Senior Center. My dad had certificates galore hanging on his office wall in his previous house of all the difference charities he donated to. 

 Dad was an honest man and people knew him to be very trustworthy. In a time when people change their values according to what is currently approved of by those who tweet hatred and resentment toward others, my dad was a role model. I think my dad's honorable qualities show his love to his family that he had modeled for them throughout his life!

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Fighting What May Be Inevitable

1 Timothy 6: 17 Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy; 18 That they do good, that they be rich in good works, ready to distribute, willing to communicate; 19Laying up in store for themselves a good foundation against the time to come, that they may lay hold on eternal life.

The nurse told me yesterday that I should contemplate getting Hospice for Dad, since his remark that he's giving up. In the middle of the night, I couldn't go back to sleep. I had suggestions from a family member and the things the nurse said floating around in my mind. 

 When I got up, I called the Veteran's Home and talked to the nurse to address my concerns about what was causing my dad so much pain when he sits. They had checked regularly for me, but Dad has no bed sores. I told her that I wanted to have Dad's back, tail bone and pelvis Xrayed, to rule out the possibility of a broken bone in his frail body. It turned out that Dad doesn't have any broken bones, but does have arthritis in his back and in his tail bone. The nurse was changing Dad's med, so he would start getting Arthritis Strength Tylenol. 

 I did cross paths in the hall with the lady who had a purse that had the name of one of the Hospice companies. I asked her for some literature, but still mentally fought the idea of using those services for my dad. I was mistakenly sure that Dad might turn around and bounce out of this latest episode, one more time. By the time I was ready to leave, Dad was somewhat disoriented and couldn't get his lower dentures back into his mouth. I washed them off and put them in his denture cup. 

  You would think that interaction with Dad would have me be more realistic about what might be inevitable. Instead, I ate more than I needed that night and the next day, I got a foam bed pad to be taken to the Veteran's Home, hoping to make Dad's bed more comfortable for his tail bone.  When I wrote a note to the nurse explaining about the foam bed pad, I kept saying how I wanted to alleviate Dad's pain and make Dad more comfortable. Christ kept reminding me that's exactly the goal of Hospice. This happened several times, before I really allowed myself to mentally acknowledge the connection. I still need to be prayerful about putting my dad in Christ's very capable hands, instead of fighting so hard to divert what may be inevitable.
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