My Best Tip for Selecting a Facility for a Loved One

 Proverbs 4:1 You children, hear the instruction of a father & [make an effort] to know understanding. Proverbs 4:1

I haven't posted much since my dad's passing. With sharing some information recently with someone, I would like to share my best tip about selecting a facility for a parent or loved one. I hope this is helpful! Debbie

When I narrowed down the possibilities, I made an unplanned visit to each of those facilities and just walked in and went through the halls. When a tour is scheduled, it's too easy to have things deliberately structured to appear that everything is ideal.

One place that was very fancy, was one where I saw no staff interacting with the patients. Plus there was a lady in the hall begging for someone to take her out of there.

There was a different facility that I wasn't able to get in without a staff escort, but found that at 6:00 p.m., I heard no one talking, watching T.V. or any other signs of activity, as I was touring through the halls where their rooms were. I figured they were all over medicated, for it to be an almost uniform level of silence and lack of activity. Although I may be mistaken, this was my impression. 

Another place wasn't as fancy, but I saw staff actively engaged, talking & joking around with the patients. That was the one we selected!


A Difficult Decision to Ponder

A wise son makes a glad father: but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. Proverbs 10:1

I rarely post since my dad's passing, but recently I shared some info with someone. I thought it might be beneficial for others, so I thought to post it for you. Debbie

It's a difficult decision deciding whether a parent or loved one needs to be in a facility. In my situation, the doctors made the decision, because my dad kept letting go of his walker and falling and breaking bones. We were there, but he didn't do it while we were in the same room with him when it happened. Also, he kept getting aspiration pneumonia, related to his Re-flux Disease. The aspiration pneumonia continued to be a problem for him even after he went to stay in the Veterans Home.  They propped the head of his hospital bed up 45 degrees, as is suggested, but Dad would slide down in his bed and continued to get pneumonia periodically.

If your family member was in the military, he can go to a Veterans Home, although he may not have retired from the military. Some are better than others, and the one Dad was at was outstanding! He enjoyed the camaraderie with the other veterans. There's a way online to check out the ratings of different facilities.  I just got on the internet to see what I could find. These are the three government sponsored ones that I think are trustworthy. There's lots of other sites that don't seem unbiased, and appear to have a vested interest in promoting particular facilities, although they say they don't. I hope this helps!

Medicare Compare  This seems to have two ratings for each facility: an overall rating and a patient survey rating.

Medicare. gov-Finding Nursing Home  The facilities they list have to meet their rigorous standards. 

U.S. Health & Human Services: This has a guide to help in choosing a nursing home, etc.

The Dream I Just Had

 The Angel of God said to me in a dream, "Jacob," and I answered, "Here I am." Genesis 31:11 NIV Bible

This dream in the Bible passage mentioned is about the Lord God guiding Jacob about the goats he should request from his father-in-law. It still seemed appropriate to use, because of the dream I just had. I dreamt that my dad came for a visit and stayed with us for a while. It wasn't eerie, since Dad passed almost four years ago, but it was very pleasant and comforting. 

The dream didn't relate to what has previously happened. It was like my dad just came for a visit for a while, like relatives sometimes do, and then he went back to where he lived. I didn't feel it was my dad coming to see me from heaven. Mine was just a dream, but it was very pleasant. In my dream, my dad, didn't have Parkinson's Disease and wasn't confined to a wheel chair, for fear of falling and breaking more bones. It just was a pleasant visit.

The thing I got out of all this was to share my final thoughts about the dream with you, which relates to being his caregiver. I would be my dad's caregiver in a heart-beat, even with all the ups and downs that come with caring for, or overseeing the care of someone in their declining years. My life, and my family's lives, have been enriched beyond measure, by the opportunity to get to spend this time with my dad. I thought you should know that!

I will rarely be adding posts to this blog, because the Lord has had it on my heart to do a major project. I've felt led to write Books of the Bible in Smaller Chunks, so people in our busy world may have time to relate to the Lord by reading the Bible in the small chunks of time they have available. You can find that at https://BibleinSmallerChunks.blogspot.com .  It's a work in progress and I will include additional books of the Bible, as they are completed. Additionally, I've started posting Daily Chapters of the Bible [in Smaller Chunks] found at https://dailychaptersofbible.blogspot.com/ Please pass this information on to those who might benefit from it. Thank you! Debbie

The Last Post

I felt led to start this blog to help others as they choose to help their loved ones, family members or others through this sometimes difficult journey. As A Christian Caregiver, I tried to share the good and the bad. But more than that, I tried to show that when we focus on the instincts that Christ gives us during these times, He is right there with us and gets us through these times.

 I have written throughout the five plus years that I oversaw my dad's care. Some of it was it was here, in our home, but because of his health conditions, the doctors felt it was important for him to be in facilities that could better provide the medical treatment he needed. I still oversaw Dad's medical care, best I could. When I didn't know what to do, I just prayed my way through!

 Dad has passed some time ago, but I've written about some of the ups and downs and memories of that. The other day, when I was updating some of the other Christian blogs I have felt led to create, I saw that there was only one post about Dad still scheduled to come out today. I felt that I had to get on the site, and although I hadn't really planned for it to be the last post, I have to listen to the instincts that Christ gives me that it should be the last. This is very difficult for me, because it feels like I am giving up a piece of the connection with my dad. As long as I continued to do posts on A Christian Caregiver, it was like Dad was still an active part of my life, even though he's passed away. When I got on this blog today, I didn't really plan for this to be the last post, but realize it is supposed to be. Please feel free to get on Best of a Christian Caregiver to get moral support, tips, and YouTube care giving video tips at Best of A Christian Caregiver.

Since I have soooo many different posts for this blog and have left a multitude of links on Best of A Christian Caregiver, I have felt led to do Biblical Research to see if there really are inconsistencies in the Bible and if so, are they even significant? You can find the results of these Biblical Research Projects on either of these two blogs I felt led to create: Biblical Proof! at https://BiblicalProof.blogspot.com/  and Do Biblical Inconsistencies Really Matter? at https://Biblicalinconsistencies.blogspot.com/  Please share these blog links with those who might benefit. Thanks! Debbie

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Dad's Room

When Dad stayed with us for about a year when he first moved here, he stayed in our spare bedroom. He kept having falls and getting pneumonia two of the symptoms of his Parkinson's Disease, so the doctors said that he needed to be in a facility that could provide more medical care.

 I prayed and prayed about this, because I didn't want "My Daddy" leaving me! I asked him about staying anyway, but I don't think that Dad wanted to be a burden on us, so he declined our offer. I still was so sad that he left. When he was still in town, we went to go see him almost everyday. When he moved to the Veteran's Home about an hour away, we would go see Dad once or twice a week. He was such an important part of our lives! We missed him dearly when he passed away last year.

 Now, when I talk about putting something in the spare bedroom, I sometimes call it Dad's room. I vacillate between calling it that and not doing so, because it is always a reminder that the room is empty without Dad. Sometimes, my life feels empty without Dad, but Christ fills my heart with joy and gives me fond memories of my dad and the fun times we had together!

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This Memorial Day

In the last post, I wrote about the first Memorial Day after Dad passed. It stands in distinct contrast to this Memorial Day. I was talking to my cousin who was talking about how she and her other cousin had purchase flowers and put them on all the graves of family members in the area where they lived.

 Then, it dawned on me that I hadn't even thought about putting flowers on Dad's grave. I felt like I should feel guilty and tried to figure out why it would slip my mind. After prayerful contemplation, I realized that we are in the midst of Sheltering in Place, the best we can, during the COVID-19 Pandemic. We rarely even go to the store, unless we really need to and when we do, we go in our masks and gloves first thing before the store opens.

 When I further contemplated this, I realized that since we were rarely going out for anything, I had to cut myself some slack for not thinking about putting flowers on Dad's grave. I talked to my husband about it and we decided that it probably wasn't the safest thing to do. We would have had to go to the information office to ask where Dad's plot was located, although we do have the plot number in Dad's file. It's just that there are so many winding paths throughout the cemetery, we might not have found it otherwise. We felt that lots of other people would have gone to the information center, as well, so we possibly wouldn't have been safe, because people just line up behind you instead of Social Distancing. 

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Memorial Day Memories

I remember last Memorial Day, which was about a month and a half after Dad passed. I went to Lowes. I looked up and down all the related isles and the front displays to find the plant that was just right to take to put on Dad's grave at the Veteran's Cemetery. I couldn't find the plant I wanted for the longest time. Then, I found it. 

 My husband and I drove out to the cemetery the next day, so I could lovingly put that plant on Dad's grave. We had to stop at the information office, so they could tell us which of the winding trails to take to get to Dad's plot.

 When we finally got there, it was significant. It mean so much to be able to put that gorgeous plant on Dad's grave. Almost like he would be proud of me, but knew that's not the case. I can't make my dad a false god by talking to him and trying to have a relationship with him after he's dead. I love all the time we had together, but want to make sure that I am always focused on Christ who gave me the wonderful opportunity to have five years with my dad before he passed. I am truly blessed and I'm very thankful!

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First Anniversary of Dad's Passing

I knew the date was coming. I wasn't exactly dreading the first anniversary of Dad's passing, but I wasn't sure how I would respond to it. I had initially thought last year, when the anniversary of Dad's came around or his birthday, I would go out for a Chicken Fried Steak in Dad's memory, since it was one of Dad's absolute favorites.  Actually, this is what my husband and I did the day Dad passed last year, so it seemed a fitting thing to do on future occasions. 

 Well, as the date approached, I knew we couldn't go out to have Chicken Fried Steak in Dad's memory, because most restaurants are closed down due to the COVID 19 Social Distancing. I realize that some restaurants at that point, would allow a person to call and order in and get curbside pick-up. We were trying to err on the side of safety and avoid curbside pick-up to be more aligned with what the medical professionals were saying were best practices during the COVID Pandemic.

 About a week before the anniversary of Dad's passing, I got an envelope requesting donations for Meals on Wheels. I figured that was the perfect thing to do. I could make a donation in Dad's memory and it would help ensure that other seniors get meals during this time of Social Distancing. When my dad still lived with us, he enjoyed getting Meals on Wheels deliveries, because it gave him more variety than I could provide for him. Plus, there was the added benefit that he got to talk to the delivery person, some. On the evening of the anniversary, I passed a text on to my kids and nieces and nephews to tell them a donation was made in memory of their Grandpa, since we couldn't go out for Chicken Fried Steak in his memory. I think they all felt it was a very fitting thing to do on their Grandpa's behalf!

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Daddy, Why Is He So Black?

2 Timothy 2: 23 But foolish and unlearned questions avoid, knowing that they do gender strifes. 24 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 

My dad used to love telling me that I put him in the strangest of predicaments by the questions I used to ask him when I was little. When you think of them, they are normal things for a child to wonder, but I didn't pick my timing well.

My dad used to tell me about the time I came up to him in a grocery store and tugged on his pants. He told me that I said, "Daddy, Daddy, why is that man so black?" and I pointed to a black man standing nearby who was taller, bigger, and stronger than he was. He tried to shush me, but I wouldn't be quieted. I kept asking him. 

I lived in a community who didn't have many black residents, so this was new to me. The interesting thing is that my parents raised me to be respectful of blacks and other minorities, but I think that my dad was concerned about hurting the other man's feelings or making him feel uncomfortable.  The interesting thing was that the man near my dad, understood the predicament my dad was in, because I kept tugging at his trousers continuing to ask the same question and he gave a good-hearted chuckle and smiled at my dad. I never heard either of my parents use racial slurs or talk in any derogatory ways about minorities when I was growing up, something I passed on to my children. 

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Glad Dad Died before COVID 19

Romans 5: 8 But God commendeth His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, being now justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 

 My dad passed less than a year ago and I miss him dearly. Knowing this, it may sound strange to see I've said that I'm glad that Dad died before COVID 19. My dad was in more pain before he passed, but that's not why I feel this way. 

 This has crossed my mind quite a few times over the last couple of months. I am so glad that my dad doesn't have to go through the COVID 19 pandemic. It's kind of scary, in and of itself when you hear about so many people passing away with respiratory issues. 

 Not only that, but my dad would have been fearful for all his family and worry about whether they could get infected. I'm glad that when he passed, he didn't have these concerns on his mind. I'm glad that my dad passed peacefully and didn't pass with respiratory distress, which seems like it might be scary to have all that going on when you're passing. 

 On the other hand, I feel great empathy for those who have elderly loved ones during COVID 19. I would think that being elderly and knowing that those who are elderly are more often those who are the most vulnerable to this voracious COVID 19 Pandemic has got to be scary to say the least.  Additionally, it's got to be difficult for family members worrying about their elderly relative and possibly not being able to visit them. Fortunately for us, Christ is right there with us through thick and thin, if we let Him.


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Not Beholding to Anyone

Romans 13: 8 Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. 

 Since my dad passed about a year ago, memories drift through my mind. I think it's part of God's way of healing my aching heart, which doesn't quite hurt like it used to. Sometimes someone says something that reminds me of him. Sometimes I hear something on TV, see something that brings all these thoughts flooding back through my mind.

 This time it was about my dad always saying not to borrow anything, especially money from anyone. He wanted us to be responsible citizens owing no one, because he knew that when you owe someone you were beholding to them. He knew that you can get overwhelmed with the debt which can come to control your life.

 I like that my dad's tip had a Biblical basis, although he never referred to it in that way. I have a feeling that it came from being raised during and after the depression, but it's good advice regardless. My dad was a very smart man and I miss him, but try to remember his wise words!

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When the Memories Aren't Always Positive

Recently, I've been blessed with several things that have happened to bring back positive memories of my dad, who has passed. What if those memories aren't always so positive?

 Someone made a comment about when they did the dishes when they were younger. It was all too easy for this negative memory about how critical my dad was when I didn't do a good enough job washing the dishes. I know it's a small thing and the dishes have to be clean, but it wasn't one of the positive memories I have of my childhood.

 It's kind of amazing the way Christ works in my life. I had a feeling that I don't have to focus on the negative things, and it was like I had said, "Stop!" and the negative memory left, not five minutes or two hours later. Additionally, Christ had it that I was able to focus on something else, where my mind didn't drift back to that negative memory. I am very blessed!


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A Surprise Picture!

Yesterday, I opened a letter from a relative. In it, there was a picture of when we all got together to go out to eat at a buffet. My dad and his wife were there, both, now deceased. My grandmother's husband, who has recently passed. My one uncle and his wife, who have passed, and my other uncle who had passed and his wife, who, thankfully, hasn't.

 It brought memories of all the fun that we had together at the buffet. I remember everyone gathering together and striking the perfect pose to commemorate this wonderful gathering of relatives that rarely got together.

 I just wanted to hug my dad when I saw the picture. I thought it over and over, even though I know it's an unrealistic desire, but that's what I thought. I like the way that Jesus allows me to have these fond memories flood back periodically to fill that whole in my heart that my dad's passing left. I am very blessed!

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F Troop!

My husband was watching F Troop recently, when floods of wonderful memories came back to me! I remember sitting in the front room with my dad and the rest of the family watching F Troop when it first came out.

 It's kind of a slap-stick funny show about a group of bungling troopers who protect the fort. I remember my dad laughing and laughing throughout the show! What a wonderful memory! During that time, my dad who worked several jobs to make ends meet, was there in the moment enjoying himself!

 It's like Christ gives me snippets of joy with fond memories of my dad even though I hadn't thought about them in many years. It feels like He is healing my heart, because of my dad's passing, one positive memory at a time. I am so blessed that Christ looks after me like that!

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Dad's Meds

I was talking to my second cousin today and the nurse came to bring her the afternoon medicine. I asked her if she swallowed pills well and she said she did, but that wasn't the case for my dad.

 My dad was so funny! He would put all the medicine in his mouth and suck on it like he had swallowed it, but when no one was looking, he would pull all the pills out of his mouth. Well, this left us with a dilemma, because some of those medicines helped Dad be more alert, less apt to get pneumonia, etc. They ended up grinding Dad's meds and giving it to him in either applesauce or chocolate pudding, which was his favorite!

 When we would take Dad on trips lasting a day or two to visit relatives, we would need to arrange for them to get his meds ready for us to pick up when we signed Dad out of the Veteran's Home. I also, needed to make sure that I had spoons and plenty of chocolate pudding and applesauce to give him with his meds. Also, I had a portable medicine grinder to chop the meds up to mix into the snack before giving it to Dad. He knew we were doing it, but it kept him from choking on the meds or pulling them out of his mouth. I do miss our trips together, but feel so very blessed that we got to take them! 
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My Cousin is Losing Too Much Weight!

Mark 8: 35 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for My sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it.

I picked this Bible verse, because it had the word "lose" in it, because my focus is on my cousin's weight loss. When I selected the verse, I realized that it's much more appropriate for this topic on another level.

My second cousin has been in a downward spiral for some time now. I love her dearly, but she keeps weighing less and less and has other medical issues which deplete her body of any life saving nutrition. It's hard to know someone you love is declining. I was so upset when my dad went below 120 pounds, and my cousin told me that she weighs only 86 pounds.

I remember the hospital dietitian who was upset with me for not signing for a feeding tube for my dad, but ultimately, that's not what he wanted. In talking to my cousin, I mentioned some medication my dad was on to increase his appetite and asked if she would be willing to take something like that, and she was. At the time, I didn't realize she already was on something of that nature. Since we were on the topic, I asked her how she felt about the possibility of having a feeding tube and she didn't feel like she needed one.  I mainly asked these questions to share this information with my cousin's care giver, her other cousin. I didn't want her to be backed into a corner the way I was, trying to defend not signing for a feeding tube for my dad. 

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The Show: Cheyenne

This last weekend, we were flipping through the channels. I stopped looking any further when I got to the show, Cheyenne. The lead man is Clint Walker. When I was little and would watch this show with my dad, I thought Clint Walker looked so much like my dad.  Or maybe it was that my dad looked a lot like Clint Walker.

 I had such a positive memory of my dad, while I stared at the show on TV that afternoon. I turned down the volume of the show, because I didn't want anything to interfere with the moment. 

 I miss my dad lots, but I don't wish him back here. If I even start to have thoughts like that,  I am always reminded that God's timing for each of us is impeccable, so I can't really go there, trying to challenge God's choices and timing. I just sat back and enjoyed the few minutes of special memories that that show had for me.

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Who Should I Talk to?

Ephesians 4: 14That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, but the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; 15 But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:

I found myself eating at times when I wasn't really hungry. When I looked at what had led to those times, I found that many of them were focused on my missing my dad, since he passed. 



I've seen on TV shows where the surviving family members will talk to their departed loved ones, as if they were still there/still could hear them. It gave me the impression that they thought that their loved one could hear them from heaven, but it's important to remember: be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine . 


After being prayerful about all of this, I realized that I don't want to get caught up having conversations with my deceased Dad. That makes me turning to him in times of stress rather than turning to Christ. I realize that would make my dad a false god, because I used to food in times of stress instead of turning to Christ. Jesus showed me over a period of time that I had made food a false god through doing exactly that and I surely didn't want to do the same thing with my dad. I have to watch who I'm talking to and who ultimately listens to my every need.

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Missing Stopping By to See Dad

Romans 5: 1 Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: 2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

We were going out of town to see a relative. When we went out of town, we always would drive by to see Dad in the Veteran's Home on the way there and on the way home. Since Dad had passed about six months ago, this wasn't necessary, but I still had that yearning to stop. That yearning to go see his smile in his room, like going to the Veteran's Home would miraculously bring my dad back, but that's not the case.

 I can eat over it, but that's counterproductive! It's important for me to remember that I will see Dad some day in heaven. It's not that I spend all my time pining away for my dad, because I know that God's timing is impeccable. It's just that at certain times, things remind me of how much I miss him.

 It has helped for me to stop by the Veteran's Home, at times, to visit some of the Dad's hall neighbors. I have to make sure that I focus on the peace that Jesus Christ can give me through these times when I miss my dad so much!
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